While many think indecisiveness is a personality trait, the more I read and learn to advance my knowledge and advocacy for mental health and holistic wellness, the more I understand that psychological factors, like anxiety and depression, invisible disabilities, like ADHD, and trauma, like PTSD, are some of the underlying reasons for indecision.
Link between neuroticism and indecisiveness
Research also shows that people with high levels of neuroticism, including anger, anxiety, self‐consciousness, irritability, emotional instability, and depression, tend to score higher in tests assessing indecisiveness.
Suddenly, it all makes sense.
Those who know me well will know that having mellowed out – a lot – with age, I was once super touchy (sensitive), easily irritated and angered, short-tempered, prone to outbursts, and emotionally turbulent.
Looking back with a self-critical eye, it’s clear I had high levels of neuroticism and needed to decompress and refill my cup regularly to balance out those high levels of neuroticism flowing through my mind-body system. It explains why I was less of a social butterfly and a regular seeker of solace, enjoyer of my own company!
While extroverts get energy from other people, surrounded by noise, activity, and various stimuli, introverted extroverts, like me, need the opposite and re-energise by being alone and enjoying hobbies and activities in their own space and company.
Impact of neuroticism on decision-making
So, why do I struggle to make up my mind? Research shows people with high levels of neuroticism have difficulty making decisions because they anxiously ponder about anything and everything that could go wrong, fearing failure and always chasing confidence or more information.
Delaying or avoiding decision-making is often a strategy to slow down or bypass the imaginary negative consequences altogether.
The root cause may be a past decision that did not end well and knocked your confidence, still haunting you. Or perhaps your parents or guardians were over-controlling and did not empower you to take the lead and gain experience making choices. Therefore, with your decision-making skills stunted and confidence shaken, you prefer someone else to decide for you.
Strategies to be more decisive
To be decisive, we can use longer-term strategies and quick coping mechanisms.
Personally, I became more decisive at two points in my life. The first was after I met my now husband, whose influence over several years helped to mellow out my high levels of neuroticism. It wasn’t easy having someone unafraid to challenge me and start a rational debate at the height of one of my emotional outbursts. But over time, this reduced my irritability, and made me more patient and emotionally stable, and less prone to outbursts.
Feeling mentally more rational and emotionally more stable, I became more decisive.
The second life event that threw me into the deep, requiring me, the eldest sibling, to regularly make prompt decisions, was when my sisters and I became caregivers to Mum and Dad when they became dependent.
Of course, we are not all on the same journey. So, here are some strategies, tips, and quick hacks to help you make your mind up quicker and be more decisive.
Longer-term strategies
- Create a constructive environment and always enter this space to help make decisions, like a quiet place, free from noise, distraction, and disruption, that is relaxing.
- Define the problem and investigate the situation in detail.
- Explore options and alternatives.
- Select the best solution.
- Talk things through with people you trust and get their feedback.
- Evaluate your plan.
- Communicate your decision, and take action.
Quick tips
- Take a break and clear your mind to reduce anxiety instead of focusing on your decision. The break doesn’t have to be long and can be a simple walk, doing something enjoyable, or shifting focus, such as looking out the window or making a drink.
- Find a quiet, relaxing space free from noise, distraction, and disruption.
- Define the problem and create a deadline.
- Jot down your thoughts, make a list, and consider the options.
- Limit your options.
- Go with your gut instinct, not fearing mistakes.
- Visualise the outcomes and accept that the worst-case scenario, should it happen, is not that bad – and the stresses and anxiety, pondering outcomes, in anticipation, are far worse.
- Talk things through and get advice from people you trust.
- Ask for help – it is okay for friends and family or trusted colleagues and other health professionals to help you make decisions.
- Reward yourself after making decisions, for example, with a refreshing drink or sweet treat, and celebrate good outcomes.
More reading & inspiration
How to think your way to happiness
14 benefits of thinking positively and how to do it
Why we overthink and how to stop it
Powerful affirmations to think well: from a Caregiver to other Caregivers
