This time of year is hard for Caregivers. I know because being a Caregiver to a 3-year-old while supporting my sister with whom our elderly and stroke surviving Mum lives with, I’m at the helm of it.
Coupled with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), the festive period, and start of a new year bring on a raft of duties, obligations, expectations, and pressures for Caregivers.
Although Christmas and new year were wonderful for us, now we have a toddler who understands and gets excited about the holidays, Caregiver stress was intense.
Signs of caregiver stress
I didn’t feel depressed, in fact I felt far from it.
It was delightful spending Christmas with our little one, family, and friends.
However, I did see signs of Caregiver stress, especially now looking retrospectively.
- I was tired (to be honest when are we not!?) and lacked concentration (needing afternoon power naps!)
- I suffered muscle tension together with a heavy head
- My digestion was not great, and I felt irritable and moody on occasions
The importance of self love & self care
As a certified mental health advocate, I know that these feelings while ‘taking on life’ – especially as a caregiver – are natural.
Until I had my Son, I never truly felt or understood what ‘running on empty’ really means and how much you feel depended on. We literally have another human being’s life in our hands!
I also never appreciated how ‘running on empty’ can be done, fuelled by a parent and caregiver’s unwavering and unconditional love, frustrations, fear, anxiety, and resentment. Or that going grocery shopping without a dependent with you is the perfect break!
Now I understand and get it, I cannot advocate self love and self care enough. As Caregivers, we cannot and must not pour from an empty cup. It is impossible and not sustainable to give to others if we are not taking care of ourselves. Doing so in the long run will result in a breakdown and our bodies and mind giving up.
Before getting to that point, feelings should be arrested and stress managed through self care.
Based on a theory that:
“We cry when our brain needs rest, and get a runny nose when our body needs rest”…
Here are my tips for managing Caregiver stress.
How to rest my body and brain to combat Caregiver stress
Book that next short break away
Somewhere warm: if you feel you need to heal, recharge, and nourish your mind, body, and soul
Under the stars: if you feel you need to clear your mind and reconnect with your inner being
By the sea: if you feel you need to release stress and get cleansed, refreshed, and invigorated
Amongst trees: if you feel you need to get grounded and rebalanced to stabalise and better connect with yourself
Inject happy chemicals into your mind-body system
- Dopamine a.k.a. the reward chemical is stimulated through good food and eating well, getting enough sleep, having a bath or achieving a goal
- Oxytocin a.k.a. the love hormone is generated by socialising, physical touch including petting animals, and helping others / volunteering
- Endorphin, the pain killer is brought on through exercise, laughing, and listening to music
- Serotonin, the mood stabiliser comes in abundance through nature walks, sun exposure, and practicing mindfulness
Practice mindfulness
There are many things we can do to practice mindfulness and it is worth trying different activities to see what works best for us individually. You can:
- Share the load by talking things through – communication is key and confiding in friends, family, or colleagues can help. From experience, if you’re open and share your worries at work about Caregiving pressures, HR will help.
- Express yourself in writing/journalling
- Sleep things off
- Dance and sing out loud
- Stretch and sweat it out
Get off social & digital media
My best tip, however, speaking from experience, is to get off social and digital media.
You can do this for a short period or much longer like I did in 2019-2020 for about 9 months.
The impact it has on the mind-body system is staggering and unsurprising when you think about how much we’re already taking on as a Caregiver. We do not need more noise, added distraction, and further anxiety brought on by its use.
Why would you want to be made even more information hungry, losing hours scrolling on your phone, mindlessly, and pushed to live an even faster pace of life than you already do!?
To remember this and bring me back to centre, I remind myself of the quotes I love:
“A crowded mind leaves no space for a peaceful heart” Christine Evangelou
“I don’t care much for the things that I can’t take with me after I die. Give me love. Moments. Purpose. Things that’ll settle in the soul.” A.R. Lucas
Warm your mind, body & soul
- Speaking as someone who always feels the cold (honestly my hands and feet are always cold!), it makes sense to me that warmth is one of the most soothing ways to ease our nervous system.
- As soon as I warm up, I feel less stressed and more able to take on life! My quick fixes include:
- taking a hot shower (you may prefer a warm bath)
- using a cosy blanket and/or hot water bottle
- enjoying a warm tea
- walking outside when the sun can warm my face
- seeking warm connections and/or socially warm environments to indulge in a cosy hug and warm chat
Share your load and chat things through
Remember, communication is key and confiding in friends, family, or colleagues will help. From experience, if you’re open and share your worries at work about your Caregiving pressures, HR will help.
There are many provisions and services available to support Caregivers and in the UK, and this Practical Guide to Healthy Caring from the National Health Service is particularly useful.
To share the load, swap stories and tips, and connect with a likeminded Caregiver, please drop me a line.
Get organised and map out a schedule / daily routine
Having a clear schedule mapped out in my calendar and phone diary is vital to managing my Caregiver stress levels. The main benefit of this and number one way it makes me feel better (amongst many others) is that I do not have to carry around my tasks and to do lists in my head.
Once it’s all written out, marked up in my diary, and set as reminders, I rest assured knowing I can think about and do other things (like self care) without missing important appointments, tasks, and deadlines.
It frees my mind perfectly of Caregiving stress and makes me feel better, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
