“An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly“.
In the 4-years I worked and cared between 2015-2019, things got progressively harder and darker. Mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion led to an acute asthma attack that put me in hospital for a week.
1. Recommendations, tips & advice: creating a self-care plan & 5 benefits
Deactivate your social and digital media apps on your mobile
It needn’t be permanent but from the moment it happens, you will feel an immediate sense of relief.
When I did it, I felt mentally refreshed, emotionally back to my usual self, and physically free because social and digital media was no longer taking up my precious time!
Use the time to do what you love and enjoy, and do it just for 1-hour a day. In 24-hours, this is just over 4% so no too much to give back to yourself!
Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.
Make a priorities list with three columns, be strict and honest with yourself, and stick to it
- Column one for things you must do almost immediately and, certainly, within the coming week.
- Column two for things you need to do but can push to next week.
- Column 3 for everything else that can wait for 3-4 weeks and/or can be handled by someone else.
Once you have this list 1) action column one 2) put column two aside for the following week 3) make plans for items in column three to be handled by someone else or automation.
For example, use online shopping apps and add items to your cart as soon as a product is running low. Or set calendar reminders to request repeat prescriptions or collect medication later that month.
Update this list weekly, preferably on a Friday before the weekend or a Sunday before the start of a new week. You can also create more detailed schedules, for example in Microsoft Excel, and use the calendar app on your phone if you don’t already. Check out this family-friendly wall calendar too!
Surround yourself with those you trust and can depend on
It may be family members, close friends, HR at work or colleagues, or support group members. These important people will be there for you to lean on and listen to you without judgement.
They’ll lift your mood when you need it most and be there for you to draw strength and support from.
My top 5 benefits of a self-care plan:
- Using a priorities list will detox your mind and inject some happiness in life. It does this by giving you fewer things to think and stress about during the day so you can feel less guilty about taking mini breaks for yourself.
- Personally, I love taking short tea breaks in the garden, especially when it’s sunny to soak up vitamin D.
- Or, I’ll enjoy myself slightly longer by chatting with friends and family via video call or tuck into a tasty meal.
- Mostly, I just take a few minutes of alone time to clear my mind and enjoy my own thoughts.
Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can hear my own
2. Allowing yourself to enjoy guilt-free ‘me time’ will recharge your batteries and boost energy levels. After a re-boot, you’ll be energised to make better decisions and stronger to deal with life stresses. By enjoying the things you love and filling your cup, you’ll be a less anxious, sad and worried person.
4. A priorities list also help you eat and sleep better. Like me, use the schedule to meal-plan and shop well, so you can eat regularly and nutritiously. Also, by organising your time and daily routines with it, you’ll have more space/downtime/alone time that will help you relax and slept better at night.
3. Surrounding yourself with a small circle of people you trust and can depend on will support you when you need it most. Whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional, you’ll get it all from your support network without pretences or having to talk too much about your personal circumstances and private life.
5. A self-care plan also boosts motivation levels and self-esteem. It increases energy and drive to help ourseves and support loved ones. I strongly recommend starting a self-care schedule, if you don’t already have one!
Continue reading onto blog #4 for ideas to look after yourself as a working professional & caregiver
2. BLOG: Warning signs to watch out for as a working professional & caregiver
Progressive deterioration
This was a dark period because Dad was hospitalised, at the same time, for a treatment-related infection.
Between 2015-2019, when I was caring for Dad and Mum I was also working full-time.
Over 4-years, things got progressively harder. In his final year, while Dad underwent chemotherapy, radiotherapy, and palliative care, my health deteriorated too.
The roller coaster we were on got unbearable and unmanageable, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
In late 2019, I was rushed to hospital with an asthma attack and severe chest infection. I stayed in the acute respiratory unit for an entire week.
Mentally exhausted & physically, emotionally damaged
This was a dark period because Dad was hospitalised, at the same time, for a treatment-related infection.
For 1-week, we couldn’t see each other and this was upsetting and emotionally damaging for both of us.
Despite my efforts to stay on top of everything that life was throwing at us, things became uncontrollable.
Even managing my time and duties through calendars, diary plans and a caregiver’s schedule didn’t work.
Pushed to its limit, something had to change in the way I was living life and this was the moment.
To see how I started making changes and practicing self-care to restore my health, see blog #4.
3. Blog: moment of realisation – a ‘turning point’
Thank goodness for turning points
In the past 8 years, I’ve experienced three moments, which made me stop and make important lifestyle changes.
These turning points were necessary as they led me to make practical changes to improve my poor health and well-being.
My first ‘turning point’ happened about four years into juggling work with caregiving.
I was in the passenger car seat shuffling music on the iPad. When the screen froze, I found myself tapping furiously at the unresponsive screen.
I felt emotional and my shallow breathing made me feel like I was experiencing the onset of a panic attack.
At that moment, my husband broke the trance. Calmly, he said to me, “it’s just a song and an iPad..”.
I caught myself and was shocked that my feelings were being triggered in this way by technology.
He followed by suggesting that I look out the window, find a point of focus like the leaves on a tree or a bird, and breathe. “Alternatively, put the iPad down and take that paper coffee cup. Feel the texture and ridges between your fingers and take a sip”.
Moment of realisation
They were simple but effective words, which resonated deeply. It was what I needed, exactly what I was looking for, without knowing that I needed it at all.
Anything to pull me back up from the dark quicksand was worth a try.
That evening, I chose to slow down life.
I realised that on top of juggling a demanding job while caring for my parents (my main priorities), I was letting insignificant things interfere with life and my well-being.
I acknowledged I’d let these things take space in my life, mind, and emotions, unnecessarily. They were unimportant and should be dismissed. From that moment, everything changed.
To see what I did next and the actions I took to improve my mental and emotional well-being, see blog #4.
4. blog: More warning signs, another episode & important changes
My second ‘turning point‘
This happened in late 2019, after my asthma attack and week-long hospitalisation.
This second turning point was particularly unpleasant, because Dad was hospitalised with post chemotherapy and radiotherapy infection at the same time as me.
This episode was awful, and I remember the days leading up to it well.
I’d been unwell, suffering a coldly flu. There was an important work meeting that I decided to attend despite it not being mandatory. I asked my husband to drive 26 miles to get me there to avoid the public transport.
I remember being unable to breathe during the meeting and afterwards while I waited outside to be collected.
It was winter and I had to ask to sit in a restaurant to avoid the cold and regulate my breathing.
That night, I struggled to sleep as my breathing became progressively laboured.
By early morning it was so bad I couldn’t leave my bed. The worst part was that my inhaler had run out, so my husband called for an ambulance.
A terrifying health scare
The wait for it was excruciating.
When the ambulance arrived, I had stiff shoulders and started to get a headache, most likely from insufficient oxygen. This was by far the scariest asthma attack I’d ever had and there’d been others before.
I’m ashamed to say it, but I did continue to work remotely during my stay in hospital. I chose to do it for personal and professional reasons and am not proud of it.
However, in my last two days at hospital, I decided to change make some big changes to the way I was living.
As soon as I was discharged and in the car heading home, I made my first step.
To see what I did next and the actions I took to improve my mental and emotional well-being, see blog #4.
5. blog: Doctor’s order & plan of action for better health
My third turning point
This was six months into my return to work from maternity leave. After 12-months away to raise my newborn, I didn’t know what to expect but was open-minded and positive.
Nothing could have prepared me for the reality and within 6-months, I’d fallen ill twice and was battling extraordinary levels of stress and anxiety.
Physically, I was running on empty. Mentally, I was overloaded at bursting point. Emotionally, I was in a bad place, so exhausted and on the verge of having a breakdown.
At a regular asthma review, my doctor suggested signing me off work for several weeks for poor physical, mental, and emotional health. I was shocked and grateful but refused it.
Instead, I took the doctor’s advice and spoke to work about needing work adjustments.
Accepting reality and
The reality was, I was working full-time (5-days compressed into 4), juggling motherhood, and often working evenings and weekends due to the nature of my role.
Some nights, I was falling asleep at the laptop at midnight. On another occasion, I took my son to a weekend work engagement event.
While juggling all of this, my husband and I were also dealing with our son’s multiple food allergies, intolerances, and eczema. After a diagnosis at 5-months old, we were on a strict management plan and review schedule with medical professionals.
Making myself the priority
That appointment with my doctor was my third ‘turning point’ and saved me, once again.
This time, it wasn’t just Mum and me that I had to prioritise and care for.
I had to be fit and well, alongside my husband, to care for the most important person in the world to us – our one-and-a-half-year-old son.
To see what life changes and work adjustments I made next, read onto blog #4.
These three awful ‘turning points’ led me to make significant changes. A lot of what I did then to practice self-care, I continue to do today.
This is non-negotiable as I continue to lead a life of health, happiness, and wellness to take on life, caring for me and my loved ones.
